Let me start by saying I’ve never been a Jaguar enthusiast. If anything I’m an MG man I’ve owned Magnus for 20 years (though due to a collection of circumstances he hasn’t turned a wheel in anger in 12 years).
In October 2009 my best friend and best man managed to drink himself to death at the tragically early age of 41. “Clive” had suffered from bipolar disorder for most of his life but it had effectively incapacitated him for close to 15 years. “Clive” was a Jaguar man, I helped to collect his first, a manual 1986 3.6 XJ-S coupe back in 1996. He hadn’t realised that with a left leg in plaster he couldn’t drive a manual so I drove it home for him. “Clive” was a terrible driver, to my knowledge he wrote off 3 Jaguars in his driving career.
While “Clive’s” parents were sorting out his affairs back in February 2010 they realised that his black Jaguar XJ-S needed a home. The car’s licence plate was BAZ6204 which corresponded to my own RL name and so they offered him to me if I wanted him, even if I only wanted to keep the plate. Due to “Clive’s” alcoholism, BAZ had led an eventful life and would be described by an antiques dealer as “extensively patinated”. In real world terms he was a shed. I tried in vain to get him shipped back to Bristol from Leytonstone in London where he was parked. Finally I enlisted the help of a friend with good spanner skills to go and collect him.
Well operation big cat was completed successfully.
In a brazen display of optimism a crack team (well me and a mate) embarked on a train to London at 10 o'clock hundred bells today with the latest state of the art tools (a hammer, a monkey wrench and a set of jumper cables) to retrieve a classic piece of British engineering.
After fuelling ourselves, we went to inspect the beast. I have to say that it was no way as bad as I’d feared. We had a booster box and the Jag fired first time.
First stop was a hand wash where for £4.50, three nice Polish gentlemen got rid of the worst of the grime and pausing only to re-use the booster box (the battery isn’t charging) we drove back to Bristol at 60-70mph in the pouring rain without missing a beat apart from the fact that the Polish gentlemen’s enthusiastic washing had introduced about 5 gallons of water into the ventilation system (and thence onto my feet).
Over 150 miles with no problems, averaging over 27mpg – what a triumph ! (or more properly what a Jaguar). The snag list is fairly short – number one is the headlining is a little loose (it’s a bit like sitting inside a tent where some or all of the poles have gone missing) followed by the battery and a little light bodywork but nothing too frightening.
So to turn the car into a scruffy driver I've got to sort:
- The battery
- The headlining
- Various electrical glitches (no interior light, rear demister, headlamp washers, radio)
- The bodywork on the door and the front wing
- The passenger side door mirror (goes left and right but not up and down)
Ideally I'll re-charge the aircon but that's not so important. It's also very, very wet inside
The intention was to keep him for a few months until his MOT expired, transfer the plate to my daily driver, sell him and give the money to “Clive’s” favoured charity, Help for Heroes.
What actually happened was that, with the help of Jaguar enthusiasts on another board, I spent a happy 5 months driving BAZ. As he dried out, things started working and in August 2010 he passed an MOT (which I am 100% sure was completely undeserved, it was raining heavily that day and I reckon that the guys at the garage that looks after the rest of the Don fleet didn’t fancy going out in the wet, figured he wouldn’t travel far enough to cause any problems so passed him without a single advisory). The die was cast, I’d keep him for another year and maybe even spend a little money on him. I donated £1000 to Help for Heroes in lieu of a sale.
I also was instrumental in in pioneering half-timbering as a way of addressing headlining sag.
Then “busgate” happened:
A Firstbus has just reversed into BAZ mangling his one good panel (the driver's door). Useless driver failed to make the corner Chez Don and reversed to have another go. I guess he didn't see the black car behind. He just drove off.
Thankfully the guys at the local garage saw the whole thing unfold.
Trouble is, I fear they'll just write BAZ off. I hope it'll pull out, but they've done a pretty comprehensive mangling job on it. Can anyone recommend a body shop in the Bristol area ?
After a worrying couple of months, FirstBus coughed up £1400. I didn’t know whether to cut my losses and donate the money to Help for Heroes or to invest it in BAZ. Eventually madness prevailed and I decided that fate had spoken, BAZ should become BAZarus and rise from the dead.
The money paid for a new driver’s door and allowed me to get PerfectPaint to fill the worst holes. It took forever (PerfectPaint do the work when they don’t have anything else on – it’s god value as long as you don’t need a car), and I have to say he’s still a long way from concours but he looks borderline tidy from a distance these days. The rest of the bus money has paid for a new rooflining and a radio that actually works.
Since I’ve taken stewardship, I’ve done around 6000 miles. He’s a perfectly reliable vehicle for occasional commutes to London or longer trips oop North to visit my Dad. The more I use him, the better he gets and sure a few things don’t currently work (driver’s window, aircon, rear demister etc.) but nothing important. I’ve met some great people on the boards and in real life (including some grumpy old ****ers that infest these here parts – you know who you are) and Jaguar ownership has become a joy and a privilege.
I’m reluctant to look to the future. The last time it happened I got hit by a bus (and again earlier this year, maybe he should be resprayed hot pink rather than black, he’s clearly invisible) but if I was to tempt fate (and tomorrow’s MOT inspection) I would say that I’m looking forward to a new radiator, working aircon, refurbishing the passenger ventilation fan and several thousand miles over the next 12 months.
The extent to which he has affected our life is shown by the fact that the primary criterion for our new home is that it MUST have a garage at least 18ft by 9ft to provide BAZarus with a comfortable home.
I’ve always been a lucky man (you only have to meet Mrs Don to see that) and BAZarus is good evidence of that. I’ve been fortunate in the friends I’ve made online and the help and support they’ve given. Here’s to the future
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